The Painful Parts of Parenting

I know many of you have seen my recent facebook instability. Yep, I suffer from parenting issues too. I have been thinking about my thoughts and my heart and my kids. It greatly hurts me to think that any of my children think that I may love them less than I love the others. With that being said, there are definately seasons where I do not like them. Is that harsh? Probably. But I know that I am not always a likable person myself and I can almost guarantee you that there have been times when my children haven't liked me.

 

I am angry with Nathan right now. He is forcing me to face the end of one parenting season and requiring me to face the next. I have been comfortable in my bubble of denial. Rod said something to me last night that got me thinking. He was listening to Joseph Prince and he said that Joseph was talking about a friend dealing with a willful teenage daughter. He said at some point you have to let them go and give it to God. I asked Rod, "But what about discipline?" Believe me, I am absolutely willing to hand Nathan over right now and say, "Your will be done, God." But, I still have a job to do.

 

You may ask why I am struggling so much with Nathan. Well here is the sad, pathetic truth. We all have flaws. We all have issues that we have struggled with all our lives. When we see those issues, those struggles, those flaws come out in our children, it is a brutal slap in the face. I feel like a complete failure for not protecting him from my faults. And then to see such potential and to consistantly see him make the wrong choice, well, that's hard.

 

A man I greatly respect once said that he hopes he was a bad enough parent that his children HAD to reach out to Jesus.

 

I hope Nathan reaches out to Jesus. And I hope that my anger and hurt and frustration doesn't drive a divide between us. Because I love that boy like crazy. And I so do not want him to live a life full of the hurts that I have lived.

 

Nathan let his girlfriend spend the night at our house while we were camping this weekend. There were others here and there was supervision. But we laid the ground rules when we left and he completely chose to disobey them. Parenting is hard. When I posted that parenting sucks, man was I serious. But it is one of the most rewarding walks of your life. This will all pass and I will hope and believe and pray for the best for Nathan, because that is my job. I think sometimes I may be too real. Please know, I am so completely thankful for each one of these pieces of my heart walking around outside my body (my kids) that God has given me and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Not Mia, Not Scott, Not Nathan, and Not Jonah. But it hurts sometimes. Horrible awful hurt.